I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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