I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
