why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
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I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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