what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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