please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
