I wanna bring you to show and tell
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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