He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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