Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize