the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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