walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Alive.
So much puke
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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