Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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