the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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