Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
