I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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