Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.