please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...