How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
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It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
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It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?