Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The adults are the big ones right?