Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste