I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
