She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize