Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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