there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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