Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
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What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.