I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,