She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process