Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.