Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
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I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
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He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs