I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?