whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
