We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
