he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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