tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.