did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
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i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.