one two three fourrrrnication!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does