dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize