K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
