I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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