I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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