we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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