that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
