There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
