Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
