just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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