Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
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