so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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