i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
