in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
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Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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