yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So vagazzling was a success
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
