At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
