There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
