Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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