ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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