Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?