It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today