a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased