it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.