I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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