I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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