We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
