We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize