So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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