She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
