Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
birth control should be required to get into college
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
